literature

In the Hands of the Unknown

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        Heather nodded her head in the direction of the hill in front of her, the short green grass shifting in the wind like bees around a beehive, and the high sun in the sky casting a hot and steady glow down to the ground.
        “So, this is where we were going?” she asked, looking back at the girl behind her. The other girl  grinned in response.
        “Yup. This is the place.”
        “So you’re just going to leave me hanging?” the last person in the party asked, scanning the surroundings. “Because, honestly, I don’t know what I’m even supposed to be looking at. It’s all so... normal.”  
        “Normal, you say now,” Iris said, raising a finger up for emphasis. “But I’ve been dying to try something out that I read about in some of the old books down on Old Earth, and I’m sure it’ll be amazing. Or fun, at least.”
        “And why did Birch not go, again?” Heather asked, sarcastically. “Because I generally trust his judgement, and if he decided not to go, I’m slightly scared about what’s to come.”  
        “Nonsense. It’ll be great!” Iris held out her hands to both Heather and North, who, being on either side of her, looked down at them as if wondering if they really trusted her not to get them killed. Not that she had even been close to killing them in the past.
        Heather took the hand Iris extended towards her, and North took her other after seeing Heather’s decision.
        “Onward!” Iris shouted, starting to run forward with North and Heather desperately trying to keep up with Iris’ arm dragging them through the grassy field closer and closer to the hill.
        Heather felt the wind of the sprint on her face, lifting her hair away from her eyes with a tug, and pushing her shirt up her stomach a few inches. Even though the burst of speed had caught her by surprise, she enjoyed the sensation of running, of speed, the feeling her legs going up and down, and the wonderful fresh air fighting its way into her lungs.
        Trees were nice, and grass, and animals, and the sky, but there was nothing, nothing, that compared to the air. Ever since she had arrived on New Earth she’d taken deeper breaths, as if every one was her last. The air was earthier and crisper, and lacked the mechanical and sterile scent of the inside world she’d been trapped in for a full seventeen years of her life. Her mother died there. Her dad, too. But she was part of the generation that had escaped, that had survived long enough to reach this new planet, and she was determined to live every second of it as if she was living three lives; one for each person she had let slip away. One for each person she had not been able to save.
        At the base of the hill Iris dove onto the ground, dragging North and Heather slightly unwillingly onto the grass beside her. Heather was more used to her rather impulsive and giggle-filled movements, so fell with a laugh and not a second of thought for the pain of her head hitting the ground. North, on the other hand, was not, and so detached himself from the trio and rubbed the back of his head defensively.
        “Was that necessary?” he asked, sitting up with his hands digging into the warm and dark ground. The blades of young grass parted around his fingers as if they were negatively charged and his hands positive.
        The girls—both of them—just continued laughing, and rolled around on their backs for a few seconds. Neither minded the dirt now all over their brown shirts and blue jeans and seemed slightly caught up in the moment. Heather, for one, had been extra happy and giddy since arriving on New Earth, and though an entire year had passed, she still felt the excitement and relief every time she felt the ground. Iris, on the other hand, was just naturally this happy, though she might have been feeling some of the effects of the new planet as well.
        North got all the way up, grumbling a little about the dirt on his pants and arms, and was obviously more than a little jealous of how much the girls were laughing. He dusted himself off slightly, brushed some of his messy light-brown hair to the side, and waited. He didn’t have to wait long, because the girls had used up their laughter, and so popped up from the ground like apples in water.
        Heather, still grinning, gave North a big hug before looking up the hill.
        “Sorry, North, if you felt a little left out.”
        North looked more pleased in the attention Heather had given him, and just smiled in return.
        “Nah. But really, I’m curious, Iris. What’re we gonna to be doing on a hill?”
        “That’s for me to know and you to find out.” She winked and started up the hill, with North and Heather exchanging a common look of confusion before following her. Iris often spoke of things neither of them had heard of, or didn’t know much about, so this was not unusual for either of them.
        The hill wasn’t as tall as it looked like from the bottom, and all three of them arrived on the top in good time. North was panting a little, since he had never run as much as Heather or Iris, but all three of them felt the excitement and curiosity at the top—even Iris herself, despite actually knowing what they were about to do.
        They all took a second to look around them, at the flat ground with hills at random intervals, and at how far the grass stretched. The whole clearing was part of the grass renewal efforts that started soon after they had arrived, and though the place seemed vast enough, it was just the start of all the land that would be put into the project. Since the grass wasn’t native to New Earth, they had to let it evolve and adapt to the new environment more, and the grass here was already not the grass known on Old Earth. Scientists had already made quite a bit of progress, and so there they were—able to stand on top of a grassy hill, looking down at more grass. The green that stretched around them created a magical feeling, and it was a few minutes before their eyes returned to Iris, along with the thoughts as to what was to come.
        “Now, take a second to relax,” Iris announced dramatically, with a twinkle in her eyes. “Drink in the scene. The peace. The green. What else is there to do but ruin it?”
        Heather raised an eyebrow and looked down at the hill, over at Iris, and then back at the hill. “So, what are you getting at? Are we... tearing it up? Because I don’t think I’m comfo-”
        “Leave the questions for later,” Iris cut in, spreading her arms out. “We’re not tearing anything out. At least, not purposely. But we will be stepping into the great unknown of the past—well, rolling into it—so take this moment to cherish the calm around us. Soon you’ll probably be screaming.”
        “Screaming?” North looked alarmed. “Why would anything we’d ever want to do involve screaming?”
        “Just let me explain!” She held his eyes in a slightly daunting fashion before continuing on. “In some of the older books I read, sometimes the younger main characters tried doing this thing. This thing was rolling down hills of grass, and I figured now was as good a time to try it.”
        “We’re... rolling down a hill,” Heather said slowly, as if it took a while to process.
        “Yup.”
        “With dirt.”
        “Yup.”
        “And grass.”
        “Yup.”
        “And you’re sure it’s not dangerous?”
        “Well, I never said that, but I don’t think it is.”
        “Are you sure about this?” North asked, scratching a place right behind his ear. It was his nervous tick, and Heather recognized it immediately.
        “Of course!” Iris looked down at the hill, and a longing filled her eyes. “I want to live. And really live. I think a hill is a good place to start. Plus, the past has always fascinated me, so this is a really big thing for me. All the people with good families did it. The people with... parents.”
        Heather, sensing an emotional subject for all three of them, changed it by teasing North.
        “You scared?” She flicked a finger at him with a playful smile on her lips.
        “No.” He scratched his ear again.
        “You obviously are. You wouldn’t be scratching your ear otherwise.”
        His finger froze immediately and a slightly guilty expression fell over his features.
        “Well-”
        He was stopped short when a hand came at his back—the hand of Iris—and he suddenly lost his balance and tripped over, finding himself sideways on the hill and already starting to roll downward.
        Heather came a few seconds afterwards, since she had been able to stand her ground only a little longer than he had been able to. She fell with a shriek and the ground suddenly fell and curved out from beneath her. The warm grass felt more cool with the moisture that came up from the ground, and the green spikes pricked at both her vulnerable arms and the small space between her pants and her boots.
        A falling sensation hit her stomach, but it wasn’t very strong. More of a teasing, tingling sensation that traveled up her toes all the way into her head. She was gaining speed in her descent, and she shrieked again; this time with the thrill of the movement, and the wind, and the grass, and the falling, falling, falling, feeling.
        She couldn’t hear anything other than the blood pounding through her veins, the grass crunching beneath her, and the air that gave way to her bullet-like body. This was what freedom felt, with no control of her own, but also nothing stopping her. This was what it was like to scream out with a mix of fear, but also enjoyment. This what it was like to live.
        This was like to fall from reality, and touch the soft, prying fingers of the unknown.

Skin by SimplySilent
This is a possible future of Heather, North, Iris, and Birch (though Birch is only mentioned in this) so don't think I'm spoiling anything. This is only hypothetical, and possibly never happens, for all you As the World Burns readers. Anyway....
    I wrote this for the 1110 contest for existing-to-living, and I did it as much for the much-needed writing boost as for any illusions of winning, but hey... if I'm lucky. Really lucky. Though, I'm honestly a little proud of this. There seems something very... Porsheee-like about it. I don't know. Your thoughts? Do you think I described rolling down a hill well enough? Because I haven't done so in years...

(Oh, and for any of you grammar-geniuses, did I use the em-dash correctly? I couldn't find it on my keyboard, so I had to do it with the two hyphens.... Also, I've never used it correctly before, so I probably have a ways to go. *sigh* Why don't they teach me this stuff in school? I always search things like this up in my free time :'p) 
© 2014 - 2024 Porsheee
Comments18
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pixie-dragon-dream's avatar
:star::star::star::star: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Originality
:star::star::star::star-half::star-empty: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Impact

I've never critiqued a literary piece before, so bear with me!

Vision:
There isn't much to criticize about your vision here. There may have been a couple unnecessary pauses before the climax of the story, but you wanted to convey a sense of innocent, careless freedom and that's exactly what you did!

Originality:
There are a bunch of fun, silly short stories about randomness on here. To me it's not about the uniqueness of the idea, though… What I care about is the words you use and the way you made it seem like something scary and intense was gonna happen. The buildup to something as humble and sweet as rolling down a grassy hill is what made this piece entertaining. c:

Technique:
You did go off on a tangent a couple of times. I also think you were a bit too thorough with your descriptions of the characters. Maybe they were just improperly placed, but either way it was a tad bit distracting. Try to avoid pointless physical gestures or dialogue if they're not connected with the underlying theme of what you're writing about.
Your spelling, grammar and punctuation were on point though, and that's something that most young writers really struggle with! You have an excellent grasp of the English language and you should be proud!

Impact:
The point of this story was to convey the nostalgic joy of something as simple as rolling down a hill, and that's exactly what you made me feel. You reminded me of being a happy little kid and managed to evoke a feeling of sympathy in me for the characters, for not having experienced that happiness before.

Overall, I really enjoyed this. I have yet to read anything else about these characters of yours, but this helped me get a feel for each of their personalities. It was a truly pleasant break from the melodramatic, overly emotional trend you see in writing these days.