literature

Undone Regret

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He made sure his cloak was folded over himself. He was not here to attract attention.
Death bringer. Shadow man. Soul stealer.
The words still echoed in his ear like they always did, every time. Every time he saw someone from his world, his dimension. The words haunted him. He wanted none of this. The fame or power. Because what came with it was fear. And he despised fear. Especially when he brought it on others. It was not his fault, never his fault. He was born this way, he had no choice.
Humans are just as bad, he thought to himself. They kill, destroy. If it brings them anything. Freedom. People will fight for freedom, and yet they always want what would hurt them the most.
He got a sour taste in him mouth and spit on the sidewalk. What was he doing?! He wasn’t here just to think mad thoughts. They did nothing for him. They just made him weaker, which was saying something. He had not “fed” in five days and it showed on him. His red eyes were redder, which was something hard to believe. His normally crisp and carefully pressed clothing was wrinkled and hung loosely from his sloped posture. This was not right. None of it was. He had to eat, and though it brought him energy, it made him sick. He had not fed on a human for... a year? Two? Even then, it had not been entirely on purpose. He had to do it just to prove his powers.
He had almost thrown up afterwards, but he kept his careful image composed and what he thought as normal. Of course, his idea of “normal” was most likely much different than any other’s idea of the word, but he had his own normal. His own to maintain, if not only for himself.
He took deep breaths. He had to do this. He had to find something to prey on... or he would die before the sun came back up to touch the outline of the dark buildings. Preferably nonhuman. But if that was what it took... well, he felt much too young too die. That was always everyone’s thought at this time, but that didn’t matter. Life’s fire would never give up without fighting against the water threatening to snuff it out.
He had to find a monster. And would.
In a swift movement, he slid behind the next building. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but his gut told him to, and his gut never lied. Ever.
He looked out from behind the building, his greasy hair swaying behind him. He wanted to whistle from relief but had to restrain himself—it would give away his position.
Concentrate. Concentrate. I just have to touch it. One little contact.
He slid his gloves off slowly and set them on the ground next to him, careful as not to attract attention.
A serpent slithered along the ground back and forth without reason, its dark purple and blue scales almost blending into the night—but not quite. The shine of the moon cast a hollow yellow light on the scene.
He crept along. The snake was staring at something, head pulled back as if preparing to strike. Probably a mouse. Nothing important.
Almost... almost...
He smiled to himself. Since when was his luck this strong? The snake hadn’t even noticed him and he was almost in range... when his question was answered. He would never have that much luck. Because right at that moment it lost interest in its prey and turned its head before he could blink.
It looked at him and tilted its head.
He growled, bearing his now-yellowed teeth in challenge. If he could just get it to lunge... anything, really, he only needed a second. Brushing it wouldn’t work, it had to really be there. A second. And a second never seemed so long.
There it was—he saw its narrowed eyes and tensing muscles.
Yes.
And now, that lunge.
It seemed to move impossibly fast, like a streak: a bullet of meat and scales.
He dodged and rolled into a position where he could grab it.
It was perfect. There it was.
He reached his hands out pressed them to the warm flesh.
It was there... and then it wasn’t.
His powers didn’t make things disappear... right? They hadn't before. So what had happened?
He saw a glint in his side vision and notice it sliding away. It was faster than he had ever imagined.
It seemed hurt and was limping, or limping however a snake did. It was trying to run away.
Escape. That word was almost like a physical blow.
He was the evil one, he was the murder—the real monster in this situation. He was just as bad as it was. It hadn’t done anything to deserve this, right?
But he had no choice. His eyes blackened slightly, his vision blurring.
This is not good, he thought to himself.
His thoughts were one now. Live. Do anything. Anything to live. To see tomorrow. Go kill kill kill KILL KILL KILLKILLKILLKILLKILL.
He was a wild animal—at least he was reverted to one—and in desperation he lept, farther and more powerfully than he had ever before. Funny how when you're the most weak you are at your strongest, when the flame flares up even stronger than before.
He made contact. He was holding on. A second. Just a second.
He breathed in and when he breathed out he fell to the sidewalk.
He closed his eyes for a second before it all returned. His power. His energy.
He lept up, and his thoughts cleared like a lantern in fog when he looked at the snake’s remains, strewn across the ground like dirty laundry.
I did this, crossed his mind briefly. But what did that matter? He had strength.
Now he was better, others' problems seeming much smaller.
He walked over to his gloves and slipped them back on.
Back to business.
He peaked around the corner for one last second, and for that second he felt remorse. But then it faded into the background as he turned and walked away.

Skin by SimplySilent
Okay, now don't bother with the name... It just makes sense to me since this is all about the tension in Lance's mind as he regrets what he does—but then lets it go. So that's why.
And this was theWeaverofTales's OC Lance for her request. Sorry it's so bad. :'( I wrote it while I was "studying for science," so I was unable to think fully on it. Plus, half way through I accidentally changed POV, anddddd then when I edited it I changed it, but now it's all awkward. So if you want me to redo it I will after my other request. 
Oh, and thinkpink99, do you want to illustrate this? :D
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thinkpink99's avatar
I can draw this:) just need w get my creative juices flowing (I've beenmaking clay charms lately maybe I'll make 1 4 this lol)